A Bit Of Turbulence

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 1, 2002

I'm a 26-year-old flight attendant engaged to be married in 10 weeks. Our wedding reception was to be held in a marquee in my in-laws' garden. On Saturday night my future mother-in-law flipped out at my fiancé for wanting to marry me.

On Sunday she verbally attacked me at their house. This woman, who is very unhappy with her husband, claims I am used goods, a gold digger, and not good enough for her son. My future father-in-law doesn't say much, as he can't handle his wife, but everyone else is happy for us.

I have one disadvantage in that I met my fiancé through his youngest brother, who I dated briefly. Since we did not see any future in the relationship, we stayed friends. My fiancé, a lawyer, loves me very much and thanks his brother for introducing us!

I come from a close loving family and find this very difficult. We've been engaged eight months, and everything seemed to be going well. I don't know what to do about our wedding. My fiancé would like to try for a reconciliation, but I don't know if I can forgive her after a scene full of such hatred.

Marissa

Marissa, as a flight attendant, you must have dealt with many angry, unhappy people. A delay at the ticket counter, a business deal gone awry, and you became a target.

Your prospective mother-in-law is a bitter woman. She knows you are in no position to retaliate. You are like the employee of a business who must control her tongue before a rude customer. Only the owner of the business is free to say, "Go somewhere else!"

Usually we recommend being forthright in stating feelings lest the person making the scene be allowed to win. However, in this case it may not be necessary. Everyone knows what the situation is.

When you are around this woman, you can use the pleasant manner you use at work, play deaf, or give simple, factual responses. The most important thing is this. Your future mother-in-law must understand she is not the deciding factor in whether you marry her son. The sooner she understands she has no power to stop this, the better.

You must also be prepared to move the wedding to another location, even at the last moment, if that becomes necessary. In one way, this situation is an excellent opportunity. It is a chance for your fiancé to demonstrate he is free from his mother's apron strings and ready to take a wife.

Wayne & Tamara

A Dubious Admission

Please explain my wife's actions if you can. In 10 years of marriage we overcame many obstacles and roadblocks. Perhaps the largest one was my inability to come clean to my wife when I may have erred. Finally I took the major step forward she pleaded for so long.

Should I not feel anger when she says now it's over and done with? Isn't this a case where the best thing is to let her go and get on with my life?

Lewis

Lewis, you're right. The best thing is to let her go and get on with your life. The saying which fits is "too little, too late."

When you noticed some subtle change in your wife, unconsciously you knew she'd left the relationship emotionally, though she hadn't left physically. Only when she was halfway out the door could you admit you "may" have erred.

You wouldn't change until it came down to your last chance, and you are mad she didn't warn you time was up. But the truth is if she wasn't leaving, you wouldn't consider change. If now she stayed, you'd think change was unnecessary.

If you can't admit you're wrong, if you can't say you're sorry, chances are your life will repeat itself. When we can't admit our mistakes, the same mistakes keep happening.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Related News

Megapundit: No inspirational leaders, please. We’re Canadian. - Macleans.ca Megapundit: No inspirational leaders, please. We’re Canadian. Macleans.ca, Canada -Sep 5, 2008 By Chris Selley | Email | September 5th, 2008 at 1:48 pm In the National Post, L. Ian MacDonald explains why The Almighty CROP poll is better than the ... What's your favorite inspirational story in baseball (or sports)? - Baltimore Sun What's your favorite inspirational story in baseball (or sports)? Baltimore Sun, United States -Sep 5, 2008 Daily Think Special: What’s your favorite example of an inspirational tale in baseball? How about in sports in general? Proactive, aggressive and inspirational - Hindu Hindu Proactive, aggressive and inspirational Hindu, India -Sep 4, 2008 He is proactive and aggressive, inspirational and calm. And he delivers under pressure. The wicketkeeper-batsman has grown and evolved. ... An Inspirational Success - Long Beach Post Sports An Inspirational Success Long Beach Post Sports, CA -2 hours ago In May, the class of 2007 graduated and this inspirational moment calls for days full of celebrations which is exactly what many of my peers did these past ... Pan Pacific HIV conference 'eye-opening and inspirational' - Gay NZ Pan Pacific HIV conference 'eye-opening and inspirational' Gay NZ, New Zealand -12 hours ago "The stories we have heard have been both eye-opening and inspirational. The Pan Pacific 2008 HIV Conference has given us all new strength in our fight ... Ty Pennington is inspirational - Akron Beacon Journal Ty Pennington is inspirational Akron Beacon Journal, OH -13 hours ago Ty Pennington titled his new book Good Design Can Change Your Life. And he should know. For five years, Pennington has been host of Extreme Makeover: Home ... Gill Astarita – ‘dynamic, inspirational, passionate’ - Professional Fundraising Professional Fundraising Gill Astarita – ‘dynamic, inspirational, passionate’ Professional Fundraising, UK -Sep 5, 2008 With the death of Gill Astarita, the voluntary sector has lost one of its most dynamic and inspirational fundraisers and leaders. ... Sector mourns Gill AstaritaProfessional Fundraising all 2 news articles Author and Retired California Educator Calls Artists to Illustrate ... - PR Web (press release) Author and Retired California Educator Calls Artists to Illustrate ... PR Web (press release), WA -Sep 5, 2008 Celebrated educator and author, Dr. John Fouts Gardenhire launches T-shirt contest to promote the power of profound words and inspirational messages ... Palin is inspirational leader - Times-Journal Palin is inspirational leader Times-Journal, AL -20 hours ago By Kelly Townsend Arizona Sen. John McCain announced the governor of Alaska would be his running mate on the Republican ticket, and it left many searching ... Mother, daughter unite to organize inspirational conferences - Arizona Republic Mother, daughter unite to organize inspirational conferences Arizona Republic, AZ -15 hours ago by Sonja Haller - Sept. 6, 2008 12:00 AM Somehow, Liz Dawn's mother knew an earthquake was coming. She urged her daughter to leave Los Angeles and return to ...